I've had a string of negative interactions with European families on the west side, many of whom walk around like they're the only people in the world.

When you point out to them that other people exist, they act they come up with the dumbest. I've had multiple women tell me "you're having a bad day". Lady I had more joy in the last hour than you've had all year. You're a passing bus.

But it is true, nothing gets under my skin like self-centered people. Here's some guidelines I wish all you nerds would adopt. They make life easier and more fun for other people. And if you don't care about that, I really don't know what to say. 👀

  1. Talk to strangers. New York is the kindest place in the world if you don't waste people's time.
  2. But of course, mind your business.
  3. Hold the door. Smile. Say thank you. Tiny courtesies go a long way. Respect gets respect. Except with kids.
  4. If you think you're better than other people, you ain't. Just afraid to leave the dooryard.
  5. Good people offer status and belonging. Bad people horde status and belonging. New York has both. Avoid the latter.
  6. Appreciate the trash. It keeps the trash out of New York.
  7. There are two groups of people in this city, and we all switch back and forth constantly. Some people want to be out, and some people want to be home. Have sympathy for those who want to be home. It will soon be you.
  8. Let people be shy.
  9. Weed smell is better than piss smell.
  10. It's okay to be slow just make sure people can get past you. My friend Marie's note on this: "I don't want people feeling like they *have* to be in a hurry here. Slowing down is good." 👍
  11. Don't stop in the flow or anywhere near the stairs. And don't block the door.
  12. Walk on the right. Usually.
  13. There's a lane on the far outside for people about to go into a building or cross a street.
  14. Signal your movements. Look before you come out the door or step into the flow. Flow sounds stupid but you have no right to unnecessarily impede other people, so don't stop in the flow. Move into the eddies and please don't let your friends be oblivious.
  15. Walk close to your people so people can get around.
  16. Also let people walk through your group. Don't make walls. You must be an autonomous unit.
  17. When you wait at an intersection, don't block the flow coming cross.
  18. Split the sidewalk. It's a two-way street.
  19. If you don't know when it's ok to walk 3 abreast, don't walk 3 abreast.
  20. Tipping is bullshit but it's also how New Yorkers take care of each other. If you don't tip, you uh... suck. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. You want us behaving like we do where you live? You sure?
  21. When somebody puts on a good show, let them know. New York is still interactive.
  22. Ask the human if you can pet the dog.
  23. If somebody corrects you, take the correction. Apologize. There's lots of different rule sets here and you don't know all of them.
  24. If they're wrong, tell them to fuck off. As creatively as you can. Just be sure they're wrong. And don't get hit.
  25. Take your backpack off on the train. Make space for people. And don't stare you fucking weirdo.
  26. Know what you're going to order when you get to the front of the line. For the love of god.
  27. It's okay to take a flyer or whatnot, but if they try to get you to stop it's a scam. 99/100.
  28. If you're standing outside a restaurant looking at the menu, and somebody tells you it's great, eat there.
  29. People here know amazing shit. If you honestly and intelligently appreciate their work, you can usually ask them questions about it, time permitting.
  30. We are ghosts to each other. Be a conscientious ghost.

That's all thank you for reading.

Which ones you agree with? Which ones no? I am curious. 👇

Dan Flag

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